We All Make Sacrifices (JM)

Hey everybody, we need to tighten our belts and realize there's a war going on. We need our metal for bullets, our corn meal for feeding the troops and our saltpeter for whatever one uses saltpeter for (creating Revolutionary War ammunition I think). Anyway even our Commander-in-Chief understands that we need to make sacrifices, just like the boys overseas:

For the first time, Bush revealed a personal way in which he has tried to acknowledge the sacrifice of soldiers and their families: He has given up golf.

“I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf,” he said. “I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal.”

I am not going to go off on some sort of anti-war rant here, but this is just absolutely hilarious. I am not going to disagree that keeping pictures of the president playing golf out of the paper during a war he caused is a bad idea. No, it's a really good idea. However, bragging about this like it's some kind of noble sacrifice is like giving up brussel sprouts for Lent. What up, Catholic folk?! Look who can bring the papist humor. Also take that National Association for the Advancement of Brussel Sprouts (NAABS), I've had it with your BS for long enough. Anyway, the point is this is just another, in a litany, of silly things our president has said.

Ooh... Sorry Case Number 17 Has Another Stop-Loss In It (JM)

Well in the mother of all cross-promotions Howie Mandel will have a special guest star: Our right and honorable President, George W. Bush. You see they are having special contestants who are members of the military currently in Iraq and George is going to pop on by. Anyway, a few observations:

1. I have to imagine that the segment of the population who are still watching Deal or No Deal is congruent to the population of people who still support GWB, so this kind of makes sense.

2. Sgt. J. T. Snodgrass of Oklahoma, or whatever your name (the name is Capt. Kobes and GWB is one of his heroes, sometimes I should bother reading the articles I find, instead of just the headline. Either way, we'll stick with this) will be, please under no circumstances except the advice of the decider. And please, folks at NBC, please don't have our President say, "Deal or no deal?" Seriously, "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!" is one thing, this would just be the end of all dignity.

3. Deal or No Deal is about the most banal game ever. The strategy is generally blindingly obvious and often unheeded. Either way, it's just a silly phenomenon. Well that's what I thought anyway, until I saw this. Meal or No Meal is just totally addictive, I dare you to play it once, an hour later you will wonder if humanity has any chance of surviving for another hundred or so years.

P.S. For all of our readers who care tonight marks the return of Gossip Girl and Thursday is the return of Lost. Get excited, get very excited.

Things Just Too Insane to Be True (JM)

Hey there Jewish parents, proud your kid's interning on the Hill this summer? Maybe they've got a nice summer job at an i-bank? Perhaps they're paralegaling Wachtell? Wellity, wellity, impressive, but not that impressive. You see, 22 year old Efraim Diveroli has an awesome company named AEY, they were given a 300 million dollar defense contract to supply our troops in Afghanistan with arms.

It's not like this is a smaller branch of some corporation his dad owns or anything, according to Paul Kiel over at TPM (via NYT reporting) it is run out of an unmarked building somewhere in Miami. Unsurprisingly, the quality of materials they shipped to Afghanistan were less than inspiring. For instance, one shipment was apparently Albanian cartridges from 1950. When hearing about this, John McCain probably though that 1950s military technology was a bit too cutting edge and wondered aloud, "Why we couldn't just use catapults and trebuchets, like in a normal siege."

Anyway, I am not sure what I am more impressed with, the fact that this just seems totally banal with the administration or that even for Team Bush this seems pretty weird. Seriously, where's the benefit here, I mean I could understand horrible corporate corruption, but these are 22 year old kids and generally they kind of like the military. I guess they just ran out of money padding Halliburton's profit margins, so they went to the BJ's wholesale club for arms.

But honestly, this is just totally enraging. Securing Afghanistan is clearly one of the top priorities we have in the international arena. In the long run an unstable Afghani state might be even worse than instability in Iraq. Yet here we are, seven years later, paying 22 year olds millions of dollars to purchase arms from ALBANIA to give to our troops. This isn't America, this isn't even Mexico...

Also, just a final addendum, how is this filed only under the Asia Pacific desk at the NYT. Why would a story of this seeming importance be buried. I agree that the election is important, but it feels like Bush is just running out the clock and getting away with it. I think there are a lot of interesting (you know interesting as in, "she's really nice and has a really interesting facial deformity that I am sure you'll find unique") choices being made by major newspapers these days. Ones that continually affirm my stance of getting news only from the internet and listening to people yelling outside my apartment.

Maureen Dowd is a Horrific Tractor Accident (JM)

Soft Shoe in Hard Times

By MAUREEN DOWD

WASHINGTON

Everyone here is flummoxed about why the president is in such a fine mood.

The dollar’s crumpling, the recession’s thundering, the Dow’s bungee-jumping and the world’s disapproving, yet George Bush has turned into Gene Kelly, tap dancing and singing in a one-man review called “The Most Happy Fella.”

With apologies to Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers, but really? Really?! You are surprised that the president is optimistic. What do you expect, GWB to come out like Eeyore? “Siiiigh… hey everyone, the economy’s real bad… I’m soooooo depressed….”

“I’m coming to you as an optimistic fellow,” he told the Economic Club of New York on Friday. His manner — chortling and joshing — was in odd juxtaposition to the Fed’s bailing out the imploding Bear Stearns and his own acknowledgment that “our economy obviously is going through a tough time,” that gas prices are spiking, and that folks “are concerned about making their bills.”

He began by laughingly calling the latest news on the economic meltdown “a interesting moment” and ended by saying that “our energy policy has not been very wise” and that there was “no quick fix” on gasp-inducing gas prices.

“You know, I guess the best way to describe government policy is like a person trying to drive a car in a rough patch,” he said. “If you ever get stuck in a situation like that, you know full well it’s important not to overcorrect, because when you overcorrect you end up in the ditch.”

Dude, you’re already in the ditch.

You know what would help the economy Maureen? The President of the United States coming out and saying, “Well the economy’s in the tank. Quick everyone, sell your stocks, immediately! What, Commerce Bank’s running out of money; we gotta get down there and pull out our accounts as fast as possible!” Raising expectations is really maybe the only thing a president actually does for the economy.

Boy George crashed the family station wagon into the globe and now the global economy. Yet the more terrified Americans get, the more bizarrely carefree he seems. The former oilman reacted with cocky ignorance a couple of weeks ago when a reporter informed him that gas was barreling toward $4 a gallon.

In on-the-record sessions with reporters — and more candid off-the-record ones — he has seemed goofily happy in recent weeks, prickly no more but strangely liberated and ebullient.

Maybe he realizes this whole debacle is coming to an end. Also maybe he loves the fact that journalists who write for the NYT spend their time authoring really terrible columns about Hillary’s personality and writing stupid nicknames rather than actually reporting on the many ridiculously immoral and illegal things for which his administration has been responsible. I mean this is really just a guess…

Even though he ordinarily hates being kept waiting, he made light of it while cooling his heels for John McCain, and did a soft shoe for the White House press. Wearing a cowboy hat, he warbled a comic Western ditty at the Gridiron Dinner a week ago — alluding to Scooter Libby’s conviction, Saudis getting richer from our oil-guzzling, Brownie’s dismal Katrina performance, and Dick Cheney’s winsome habit of withholding documents.

At a dinner on Wednesday, the man who is persona non grata on the campaign trail (except for closed fund-raisers) told morose Republican members of Congress that he was totally confident that “we can retake the House” and “hold the White House.”

“I think 2008 is going to be a fabulous year for the Republican Party!” he said, sounding like Rachael Ray sprinkling paprika on goulash. That must have been news to House Republicans, who have no money, just lost the seat held by their former speaker, and are hemorrhaging incumbents as they head into a campaign marked by an incipient recession and an unpopular war.

You are either the dumbest political journalist of all time or you just really don’t care anymore. Maybe you were kidnapped by aliens and they left a Maureen-related random column generator behind in your place. This computer has devised all sorts of rules and schemes to make people believe that the real Maureen is still here, while she’s actually on planet Perseus-9 being a slave servant to Emperor Glacticon. If this is true, then by the standard of column writing artificial intelligence this is not bad. Also, Glacticon, a warning, don’t let her out of your sight or she will soon be writing bizarre space columns, calling you Glacty and making fun of your personal hygiene.

If only they could see things as the president does. Bush, who used his family connections to avoid Vietnam, told troops serving in Afghanistan on Thursday that he is “a little envious” of their adventure there, saying it was “in some ways romantic.”

This is a nice little tidbit, good writing.

Afghanistan is still roiling, as is Iraq, but W. is serene. “Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever,” he said, echoing that great American philosopher Dan Quayle, who once told Samoans, “Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be.”

In so far as it is a repeating trope it is the same, in pretty much every other significant way these statements are totally irrelevant to each other.

W. bragged to Republicans about his “considered judgment” in sending more troops to Iraq and again presented himself as an untroubled instrument of divine will. “I believe there’s an Almighty,” he said, “and I believe a gift of that Almighty to every man, woman and child is freedom.”

Although the president belittled the Democrats for their policy of “retreat,” his surge has been a temporary and expensive place-holder for what Americans want: a policy to get us out of Iraq.

“Has it allowed us to reduce troop levels to below where they were when it started?” Michael Kinsley wrote recently. “The answer is no.” Gen. David Petraeus told The Washington Post last week that no one in the U.S. and Iraqi governments “feels that there has been sufficient progress by any means in the area of national reconciliation.”

This is a great article by Michael Kinsley. Thank you, Michael Kinsley. Maybe you just collect links of shit you’ve read on the internet for us Maureen. You can be Drudge without, you know, the ole’ Drudge charm.

Maybe the president is just putting on a good face to keep up American morale, the way Herbert Hoover did after the crash of ’29, when he continued to dress in a tuxedo for dinner.

Yes. This is precisely what he doing.

Or maybe the old Andover cheerleader really believes his own cheers, and that prosperity will turn up any time now, just like the W.M.D. in Iraq.

Maybe he does a bit, but probably mostly that first totally correct thing you just said that disproves the entire thesis of this article. You know, that thing you’ve never disproved.

Or perhaps it’s a Freudian trip. Now that he’s mucked up the world and the country, he can finally stop rebelling against his dad and relax in the certainty that the Bush name will forever be associated with crash-and-burn presidencies.

You ever get the feeling that Maureen is that crazy girl at a party who is so drunk and crazy that you just can’t wait to hear the next thing she’s going to say. Rather the sincerity and enthusiasm with which she approaches her every idea is commensurate with the opposite level of total insanity utter incomprehensibility of those very ideas. In other words she is that special brand of “matter-of-factly” crazy that makes rooms full of people turn around to see what’s up. So yeah Maureen, what’s up? Why don’t you tell us all about that street performer whom you once had a four hour conversation with which totally changed your life?

Whatever the explanation, it’s plumb loco.

Quid est demostratum.

SNL Is Totally Capable of Predicting the Future (JM)

Seriously, just watch this and see if you ever doubt SNL ever again:

Lest We Forget Who Our Current President Is, a Telecom Press Conference (JM)

I know we’re all wrapped up in choosing who our next president will be that sometimes it’s easy to forget who our current president is… And he was out today giving a delightful press conference on how we’re all going to die if the Democrats don’t pass FISA with telecom immunity. Let’s take a look, shall we?

QUESTION: ... if you can get the Congress to protect telecom companies from lawsuits then there's no recourse for Americans who feel that they've been caught up in this.

QUESTION: I know it's unintended to spy on Americans, but in the collection process information about everybody gets swept up and then it gets sorted. So if Americans don't have any recourse, are you just telling them when it comes to their privacy to suck it up?

Wow, this is seriously one of the best questions I have ever seen from a presidential press conference. Are you telling the American public to “suck it up”? Great stuff, given that this is precisely what the Bush administration has been advocating the American people do for years (though I have to admit, I’d be more entertained if the questioner had went Fonzie on us and used “sit on it” instead of “suck it up”.

BUSH: I wouldn't put it that way, if I were you -- in public. You've been around long enough.
Anyway, people who analyze the program fully understand that America's civil liberties are well protected.

There is a constant check to make sure that our civil liberties of our citizens aren't -- you know, are treated with respect.

“I wouldn’t put it that way, if I were you – in public…” Seriously, this is something the President of the United States just said. How creepy and Goodfellasesque does that sound? Also when “people who analyze the program” are members of the Bush/Cheney administration I am not so sure I am going to be happy with the definition of “respect”. Also I like that Bush’s standard for appropriate treatment of civil liberties is the nebulous concept of “respect”, not say some sort of constitutional standard or something.

BUSH: And that's what I want, and that's what most Americans -- all Americans want.
Now, let me talk about the phone companies. You cannot expect phone companies to participate if they feel like they're going to be sued. I mean, it is -- these people are responsible for shareholders. They're private companies.

Telecom companies would never be sued if we had a reasonable, constitutionally-viable FISA law.

The government said to those who have alleged to have helped us that it is in our national interests and it's legal. It's in our national interest because we want to know who's calling who from overseas into America. We need to know in order to protect the people.

It was legal. And now all of a sudden plaintiffs attorneys, class-action plaintiffs attorneys, you know -- I don't want to try to get inside their head; I suspect they see, you know, a financial gravy train -- are trying to sue these companies. It's unfair. It is patently unfair.

Gee… yes, it must be those damned plaintiffs attorneys. Always trying to scam companies with their frivolous lawsuits about massive rights violations. Also just because you’re the Decider, doesn’t mean you get to determine what is and is not legal. In fact, for all the complaints about the Bush administration, it seems clear to me that the bizarre use of executive power to interpret the legality and constitutionality of particular laws and regulations is absolutely the worst. The creeping spread of executive authority during his administration is downright frightening. What’s worse is, that no matter who we elect next, it’s hard to imagine them ceding many of these so-called authorities Bush and Cheney cooked up for themselves.

And, secondly, these lawsuits create doubts amongst those who will -- whose help we need.

BUSH: I guess you could be relaxed about all this if you didn't think there was a true threat to the country. I know there's a threat to the country. And the American people expect our Congress to give the professionals the tools they need to listen to foreigners who may be calling in to the United States with information that could cause us great harm.

We have perfectly reasonable legislation on the books that allows for foreign surveillance. There has not been one hindrance in foreign intelligence collecting since FISA expired. This is just a flat out, disgusting lie.

So on the one hand the civil liberties of our citizens are guaranteed by a lot of checks in the system, scrutinized by the United States Congress.

You cannot count that hand if you want them to sign a bill giving away those powers. It’s not a check if the check decides not to check… you see what I am saying?

And, secondly, I cannot emphasize to you how important it is that the Congress solve this problem.
The Senate has solved the problem. And people say, "Would you ever compromise on the issue?" The Senate bill is a compromise. And there's enough votes in the House of Representatives to pass the Senate bill. It's a bipartisan bill. And the House leaders need to put it on the floor and let the will of the housework.
My judgment happens to be the will of the people, to give the professionals the tools they need to protect the country....

Congress tried! The Democrats offered to extend FISA again. You and the GOP kept it from happening because you want your precious telecom immunity and provisions in the bill to give the executive branch absolute authority and no transparency. Your position of this is nearly farcical.

QUESTION: Mr. President, on FISA, do you worry that perhaps some House Democratic leaders are playing a high-stakes game of wait-and- see in terms of if we get attacked, we all lose, if we don't get attacked, then maybe that makes the case that you don't need all the powers in FISA?

Who asked this. Is that Dick Cheney sitting in the back wearing a fake nose and glasses set?

BUSH: No, I don't think so.

I mean, I think that's -- that would be ascribing, you know, motives that are just -- I just don't think they're the motives of the House leaders to do that.

I think -- look, I think they're really wrestling with providing liability protection to phone companies. I don't think they're that cynical or devious. That's -- it's just too risky. A lot of these leaders understand that there's an enemy that wants to attack.

The caucus, evidently, in the House is -- the Democratic caucus, is -- you know, is concerned about exactly Plante's question, you know. And I just can't tell you how important it is to not alienate or not discourage these phone companies.

We must never alienate or discourage phone companies. Sigh… if the FISA law you wanted didn’t have so many clearly rights violations there would never be any concern. Phone companies turn over information all the time in criminal investigations. They are not held harmless from liability, instead they know such charges would never stand up in court because of appropriate procedures to protect the rights of individuals. There are so many ways this could be done, it’s patently absurd.

BUSH: How can you listen to the enemy if the phone companies aren't going to participate with you? And they're not going to participate if they get sued.

Let me rephrase it: less likely to participate.

And they're facing billions of dollars of lawsuits. And they have a responsibility to their shareholders. And yet they were told what they were going do is legal.

Doesn’t that say something? Really and truly it does. Corporations just simply do not trust the word of the Bush administration that their actions are legal. Trust me, if these actions were totally legitimate there would be no problem. But these companies are terrified that they are going to lose in court and that’s because they know there is a legitimate possibility that the administration lied and these actions were totally illegal.

And, anyway, I'm going to keep talking about the issue. This is an important issue for the American people to understand, and it's important for them to understand that no renewal of the Patriot Act -- I mean, the Protect America Act -- is dangerous for the security of the country. Just dangerous.

I'm sure people, if they really pay attention to the details of this debate, wonder why it was OK to pass the Protect America Act last summer, late last summer, and all of a sudden it's not OK to pass it now.
And so I will keep -- keep talking about the issue and talking about the issue.

It was never okay. The Democrats, especially red-staters are just totally fearful and it is painful to watch. I want telecom companies to be afraid to act unless they are sure their actions are lawful. I want the presumption of any major corporation that controls private information to be that giving said information to the government is probably not okay unless they are compelled to do so. I want a system of warrants, checks and balances to guide this sort of data collection. Not just the say so of GWB. It’s sad that this is even a battle. I am baffled that the Democrats are not just throwing this right back in the face of the administration. Here’s the truth, the Democrats will never wrest power from the hands of the GOP until they are unafraid to challenge the politics of fear. They need to start talking about the core of our values and not trading them away because shadows and bogeymen, because in the end that is a battle the GOP will always win. Let’s go back to being a party of real values, instead of being weak-kneed at the idea of appearing week-kneed.

(Hat tip: Paul Kiel at TPM for the transcript)

Maureen Dowd is, and was, a High School Poem About Ophelia (JM)

With Maureen Dowd not submitting her column this Sunday, I have decided to take a trip to a little something I like to call, Classic Dowd

June 16, 1999

This is right before George W. Bush began his campaign which will culminate is an completely honest victory, with a total mandate for the many great changes he will bring to this land of ours.

Liberties; Freudian Face-Off

This title is important in so far as the part prior to the semi colon makes no sense and the part afterwards is entirely in a little something I like to call Maureen’s imagination.

By MAUREEN DOWD

Worst three words in the English language…

Al Gore is the Tin Man: immobile, rusting, decent, badly in need of that oil can.

Look, if you’re going to feed people Wizard of Oz metaphors at least warn us in the title. Also Al Gore is stiff, original material Maureen, perhaps someday they will let you write for a newspaper.

George W. Bush is the Scarecrow: charming, limber, cocky, fidgety, seeking to stuff his head with a few more weighty thoughts. (Dan Quayle and Gary Bauer are, of course, the Flying Monkeys.)

Cocky?! When in the world was the Scarecrow cocky, or charming or limber for that matter. Even 1999 Maureen Dowd didn’t care if her metaphors made any sense. She is like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, overpaid, ridiculous and a terrible writer.

Al Gore is so feminized and diversified and ecologically correct, he's practically lactating.

Attention NYT, your flagship columnist just wrote that the Democratic contender for President of the United States, a former Vice President of the United States is “practically lactating” for being “ecologically correct”. Also I have no idea what she means by “feminized” and don’t even know how a person can be “diversified”, unless she is referring to his stock portfolio, in which case… Bravo, Al, fiscal responsibility is important. Just make sure you put it in your lockbox. See, I can make timely 1999 jokes too!

George Bush is all swagger, with macho campaign accessories of custom-made ostrich-leather black cowboy boots with ''G.W.B.'' emblazoned and a huge belt buckle with ''Gov. George W. Bush,'' as well as baseball statistics, pork and beans and a Betty Crocker wife.

I am not sure ostrich-leather counts as macho, but then here I am lactating all the time, so maybe I don’t know. But I do like baseball statistics… Oh by the way paragon of feminism, referring to a person’s wife as an accessory probably not so much helping the old cause.

Now comes the ''I am worthy, Daddy'' Freudian face-off of dauphins named after famous fathers and shaped by strong mothers.

This has nothing in the world to do with Freud. I wish this could be the scene in Annie Hall where Marshall McLuhan comes out and chastises a guy for not understanding his work at all. However, instead I would like it to be Freud and I want Freud to hit her with a shovel and video tape it and leave it a safety deposit box and then send a courier to me with a telegram in 2008 to come pick up said video tape. It would be an awesome cross between Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Back to the Future, Part III and Maureen would get hit with a shovel. Sigh…

Al is the Good Son, the early-achieving scion from Harvard and Tennessee who always thought he would be President. (So did his parents.) George is the Prodigal Son, the late-blooming scion from Yale and Texas who never thought he would be President. (Neither did his parents.)

As the robotic, plodding Mr. Gore tries to loosen up, the loose, quicksilver Mr. Bush tries to stay robotically on message.

The subtext of the Bush campaign is: What Bill Clinton did with Monica stinks; I was raised right and you can count on me to behave with more dignity. The subtext of the Gore campaign is the same.

This is some really deep and insightful analysis, thank you.

You don't often get to see a Presidential candidate bloom right before your eyes. But as W. debuted in Iowa and New Hampshire, Republicans, Democrats and journalists realized that he might just pull it off, at the same time he realized it, at the same time his parents, who had long assumed it would be Jeb, realized it.

As late as Christmas, W. said, he was 50-50 about running. As late as last week, he was nervous. On Sunday, when we talked by the sparkling Atlantic on the back porch of the family home in Kennebunkport, W. wore an Astros T-shirt and a big grin.

''All I can tell you,'' he said, ''is I was fairly anxious for the week leading up to this, but when I got up there in Cedar Rapids, it felt good. I think that's an interesting measurement.

The previous paragraph could be rewritten: “I, Maureen Dowd, got to sit in Maine and talk to George W. Bush. He’s fine.”

''I'm telling you, people out there, they're looking for something -- dignity, integrity, optimism, big themes. I know what I believe in. I believe the big issues are going to be China and Russia. There will be moments when situations, incidents will flare up. It's important for the President to think globally. But in the long run, security in the world is going to be how do we deal with China and how do we deal with Russia. People think the Russian situation, or used to think, Russia was not an issue. It's a huge issue. But if the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a statement.''

Alright, we can all agree this is hilarious for reasons that don’t involve Maureen. China and Russia… amazing… And East Timorians… excellent, way to go sort of half the country, great job being a democracy!

The statement, one hopes, will call them the East Timorese.

Maureen… people in glass houses…

''I think what's important for you to know is that I feel I know what to do,'' he continued. ''I really do. I may not be able to tell you exactly the nuance of the East Timorian situation but I'll ask Condy Rice or I'll ask Paul Wolfowitz or I'll ask Dick Cheney. I'll ask the people who've had experience.

Seriously American public, he said this. It was in a major newspaper. He, the guy you voted for said this.

''I'm smart enough to know what I don't know and I have good judgment about who will either be telling me the truth or has got some agenda that is not a right agenda. And I'm tough enough to tell somebody to kiss off if they're trying to put one over on me or on the country.''

If only he had been able to meet himself before he ran for President… of course, if George W. Bush met George W. Bush than I might never be born. Time paradox joke: check.

In a few short years, the Prodigal Son has become a popular politician, deft at working a room and skilled at domestic politics. But all those years that his father was so deeply engaged in world affairs, W. was still finding himself. So now he's starting from scratch, getting coached on foreign affairs.

W.'s father tried to reassure reporters on this matter by saying that his son has a good issues team. But you kind of want the President to be past the point of tutorials.

Albert Gore, Jr. LACTATES because he is an environmentalist. But you “kind of want the President to be past the point of tutorials.” I hate you more than cartoon mice hate cartoon cats, Maureen Dowd.

The Good Son, who was applying himself while his rival was finding himself, is not green. But he is beige, and so puckered in his pronouncements that his Hollywood pals want to coach him on how to talk to people.

One knows his subjects cold but can't heat up an audience. The other promises the global vision thing as soon as he gets his geography down.

It's going to be an interesting year, Toto.

Good call back… just awesome considering this article had nothing to with The Wizard of Oz other than the fact that you randomly chose to mention the Wizard of Oz. But actually I kind of think this is not a bad analogy. This is just kind of the way Maureen sees the relationship between her and her readers. She is the beautiful Dorothy traipsing across the Merry Old Land of Oz, seeing things that don’t exist because this imaginary land is entire in Maureen’s head. We are her dog Toto, along for the ride, recipient of idiotic condescending remarks. When secretly the dog is the only one who realizes that, in fact, that is not a Munchkin Maureen is talking to but a mailbox. You are delusional Maureen, and the test of time has proven it.

Like Fish in Barrel (JM)

Compassionate to the End

Whoa… I think this might be an article about secretly awesome GWB has been all along. There has been a surprising lack of these types of articles which makes this gem even more special.

By Michael Gerson
Wednesday, January 30, 2008; A15

When President Bush took his final walk to the rostrum of the House chamber, his speech and manner conveyed little nostalgia. He views both meditation on the past and speculation about his legacy with equal suspicion, preferring to live in the urgency of the now. So his last State of the Union address had no Reagan-like, misty-eyed wistfulness. It was the most matter-of-fact of his congressional addresses: a clear theme -- trusting the people -- developed at a brisk pace, with modest proposals and an edge of impatience at congressional loitering. He seemed to be saying: "With a year to go, sentiment be damned."

I mean if I were GWB this is about the only thing I would have handled in the exact same way. There was very little to be nostalgic about, very little sentiment to be share. The man was given a speech to a room full of people who hated him. Nancy Pelosi was quoted as saying, “Poor baby…” and was then asked if she was okay with that being on the record and she said yes. Think of how far a president has to fall for the Speaker of the House to be comfortable saying that!

But there is nothing to prevent me from waxing nostalgic. Watching the speech, I recalled meeting Gov. Bush of Texas in the spring of 1999, before he was a declared candidate. He talked with rushed intensity about being a "different kind of Republican," dedicated to racial healing and helping the poor and determined to provide moral leadership as a contrast and corrective to the Clinton years. Because I believed him, I left journalism and joined his campaign.

Ooh, this is sure to be unbiased. Perhaps, this will be a column about how you were duped and GWB doesn’t heal racial divides or help the poor.

It is conventional wisdom that Bush's idealism is either a fraud or has been pushed aside completely by the priorities of war. Slate editor Jacob Weisberg argues that Bush's claim to be a compassionate conservative is "largely fictional." A liberal organization called Americans United for Change recently promised to spend $8.5 million on political attack ads against noncandidate Bush, out of fear that Bush hatred in America might mellow during his final year as president.

But historical legacies are not determined by the same advertising techniques that sell toothpaste. And history's unhurried judgments are sometimes surprising -- few would have elevated Harry Truman to the first rank of presidents on the day Dwight Eisenhower took office.

This is just an atrocious argument: 1) “Same advertising techniques that sell toothpaste”?! I mean seriously, if you wanted a real strawman why didn’t you go all the way and use “same advertising techniques that sell adult diapers”? These also happen to be the way we sell medicine, ideas and, oh, political candidates. Media matters, my friend, it is silly to think otherwise; 2) It took a while for us to recognize Truman’s greatness… this, of course, is a sample size of one that proves absolutely nothing. But fine, I will admit it, there is a nonzero chance we will look back on his legacy years from now and place him in the top tier of presidents. However, I suspect that will only be likely if somewhere, in a secret underground lab, right now, GWB just cured cancer, AIDS, and created an unlimited, renewable energy supply. Even then… that’s Nobel Prize worth, he was still a dreadful president. But more important than any of this, you have to actually give reasons, not just point out that someone else was evaluated too quickly.

My goal is a humbler assessment: Did President Bush, in the course of seven years, cast aside compassion and become the "same kind of Republican"?

The answer is no. Proposals such as No Child Left Behind, the AIDS and malaria initiatives, and the addition of a prescription drug benefit to Medicare would simply not have come from a traditional conservative politician. They became the agenda of a Republican administration precisely because of Bush's persistent, passionate advocacy. To put it bluntly, these would not have been the priorities of a Cheney administration.

Seriously, wow to the forty fifth power. The Skelator administration would have enslaved us all and put us to work on building a giant ray-gun to destroy Castle Greyskull, the Dahmer administration would have had a very peculiar school lunch plan, and don’t get me started on the Steinbrenner administration. Way to set the bar high, Michael Gerson! Also NCLB and the prescription drug benefit were compassionate to no one. I give you the AIDS and malaria initiative and also think it’s funny that even you think Cheney would have ignored AIDS and malaria.

This leaves critics of the Bush administration with a "besides" problem. Bush is a heartless and callous conservative, "besides" the 1.4 million men, women and children who are alive because of treatment received through his AIDS initiative . . . "besides" the unquestioned gains of African American and Hispanic students in math and reading . . . "besides" 32 million seniors getting help to afford prescription drugs, including 10 million low-income seniors who get their medicine pretty much free. Iraq may have overshadowed these achievements; it does not eliminate them.

Hi there, I question the “gains” of African American and Hispanic students. Almost all educational research groups have said that NCLB is a resounding failure. Prescription drug access is limited and many seniors are paying as much if not more for their medication. Also, there are many many better plans that could have been created than this boondoggle for the healthcare industry. Again, I give you the AIDS thing, but all told many more have died because of the Iraq War and you are citing a policy Pol Pot probably would have supported. Silly.

The Bush administration, in my view, should have devoted more resources and creativity to its faith-based initiatives. It should not have vetoed the State Children's Health Insurance Program expansion. The president's budget and economic teams have not been populated with enthusiastic compassionate conservatives, and sometimes this has shown. But by any fair historical measure, Bush's achievements on social justice at least equal those of Bill Clinton, who increased the earned-income tax credit, pushed for children's health coverage and reformed welfare to encourage work.

I suspect this is seriously untrue, but I really don’t feel like doing tons of research right now. Here’s the main difference though, Bill Clinton faced an incredibly insane Republican Congress for most of his administration and was so busy keeping them from returning us to the policies of 1890 that the fact that we even still have entitlement programs is something of a miracle. GWB had every opportunity to really try and fix problems with a Congress over which he had control and a unified public after 9-11. He squandered ever opportunity.

Bush has received little attention or thanks for his compassionate reforms. This is less a reflection on him than on the political challenge of compassionate conservatism. The conservative movement gives the president no credit because it views all these priorities -- foreign assistance, a federal role in education, the expansion of an entitlement -- as heresies, worthy of the stake. Liberals and Democrats offer no praise because a desire to help dying Africans, minority students and low-income seniors does not fit the image of Bush's cruelty that they wish to cultivate.

Seriously, you cannot make this shit up. Again, you’re wrong about minority students and low income seniors and I grant you AIDS. If you really want to highlight Bush’s compassionate conservatism the correct issue is immigration. Even I agree with him on that issue, he stance is thoughtful and, at times, when he speaks about it I don’t want to hate him nearly as much as I do. But the insane, xenophobic protectionistas of the Right (and some equally despicable types on the Left) refused to do anything that amounted to compassion on this issue, robbing GWB of his one real shot at a good legacy.

Compassionate conservatism is thus a cause without a constituency -- except for the large-hearted man I first met in 1999 and who, on Monday night, proposed to double global AIDS spending once again.

I mean seriously, you couldn’t find ANYTHING else. ANYTHING, just AIDS, which, while important, doesn’t prove that GWB is, in fact, compassionate. Also not a surprise that compassionate conservatism has no constituency, not a surprise at all.

But it was only a hint of his former boldness. On policy, this State of the Union was the least ambitious effort of an ambitious presidency. Given the short calendar and a hostile Congress, there was no other option. The time for boldness has passed. But in his speech he seemed his same, confident self. And one source of his confidence should be this: His achievements are larger than his critics understand.

Oh, I think I agree, his achievements are quite large, just not terribly good. I think it is fair to state that we have to look at the complete picture of a presidency over time before making judgments. However, tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, lack of environmental regulations, terrible Supreme Court and executive appointments, the aftermath of Katrina, the Iraq War and an general unwillingness to do anything to help the vastly growing divide between rich and poor America, this seems like a pretty unchangeable legacy…

Maureen Dowd is a War Crime (JM)

How does Maureen Dowd still have her job? I am serious she is about the worst columnist the New York Times has ever had (and they just hired William Kristol). Her “unique blend” of pop and politics is not just unfunny, it lowers the level of intellectual discourse in a very serious way. We are all dumber for having read her columns and she had no place writing for the standard bearer for American journalism. Seriously, NYT, she has to go. Let’s take a little stroll inside her latest gem, shall we?

Faith, Freedom and Bling in the Middle East
By MAUREEN DOWD

Oh god, I am already in severe, severe pain.

As a Saudi soldier with a gold sword high-stepped in front of him, President Bush walked slowly beside King Abdullah through the shivery gray mist enveloping the kingdom, following the red carpet leading from Air Force One to the airport terminal. When the two stepped onto the escalator, the president tenderly reached for the king’s hand, in case the older man needed help. He certainly does need help, but not the kind he is prepared to accept.

I seriously have no idea what she’s trying to imply here. The beginning of the second paragraph sounds like the opening lines of “Tuesday’s With Abdullah: An Old King, a Bad President and Life’s Most Banal Lesson. Then she implies that there is “help” King Abdullah “needs” that he is not “prepared to accept”. Huh? Well, I’ve learned nothing new here, but at least Maureen got to see the “shivery gray mist envelop the kingdom”.

It took Mr. Bush almost his entire presidency to embrace diplomacy, but now that he’s in the thick of it, or perhaps the thin of it — given his speed-dating approach to statesmanship — he is kissing and holding hands with kings, princes, emirs, sheiks and presidents all over the Arab world and is trying to persuade them that he is not in a monogamous relationship with the Jews.

Hi, I am Maureen Dowd, I use hip metaphors. First, he “speed dates” statesmanship. I mean I am no fan of Bush, but generally when presidents go on a tour of foreign countries they don’t have time to take it slow and really get to know the Saudi royalty. Next he’s trying to convince the Arab world he not in a “monogamous relationship with the Jews”. First, I think you mean Israel. Judaism is a religion and/or culture practiced by millions of people worldwide. Israel is a country. Second, this is just a really dumb way to talk about complex foreign policy. You are like 45 year old high school teacher trying to prove you’re still cool why explaining complex things in incredible inane ways.

His message boiled down to: Iran bad, Israel good, Iraq doing better.

You mean you boiled his message down to that. I mean it’s not like you are a journalist and were flow across the world by a major newspaper to cover what he actually discussed with Arab leaders. What? You are? Oh…

Blessed is the peacemaker who comes bearing a $30 billion package of military aid for Israel and a $20 billion package of Humvees and guided bombs for the Arabs. Like the slick Hollywood guy in “Annie Hall” who has a notion that he wants to turn into a concept and then develop into an idea, W. has resumed his mantra of having a vision that turns into freedom that could develop into global democracy.

Hi, I’m Maureen Dowd, I or my assistant has seen “Annie Hall”. Also the hell is going on here? I have seen Annie Hall like 15 times and I barely understand what she’s talking about. Also that guy in Annie Hall has nothing to do with your point about George Bush which is, I think, that he is really bad at foreign policy… which I probably did not need to read your column to figure out.

W.’s peace train quickly gave way to the warpath, however, with Mr. Bush devoting a good chunk of time to the unfinished war in Iraq and the possibility of a war with Iran.

Peace train?

In meetings with leaders, he privately pooh-poohed the National Intelligence Estimate asserting that Iran had halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003. On Fox News, he openly broke with intelligence analysts, telling Greta Van Susteren about Iran: “I believe they want a weapon, and I believe that they’re trying to gain the know-how as to how to make a weapon under the guise of a civilian nuclear program.”

That first sentence might have made a really good topic for some journalistic investigation. What did he say to the Arab leaders? How did they respond? Oh… you saw him on Greta Van Susteren in your hotel room… excellent.

Less than a week after the president arrived in the Middle East, three violent eruptions — an Israeli raid killing at least 18 Palestinians, 13 of whom were militants; an American Embassy car bombing in Beirut; and a luxury hotel suicide-bombing in Kabul — underscored how Sisyphean a task he has set for himself. “This is one of the results of the Bush visit,” said Mahmoud Zahar, a Hamas leader, as he went to a Gaza hospital to see the body of his son, a militant killed in the battle. “He encouraged the Israelis to kill our people.”

This is good and thoughtful journalism. Giving us a picture how various Arab leaders perceive our foreign policy is a potentially excellent topic for a column in the NYT.

Arab TV offered an uncomfortable juxtaposition: Al Arabiya running the wretched saga of Gaza children suffering from a lack of food and medicine during the Israeli blockade, blending into the wretched excess scenes of W. being festooned with rapper-level bling from royal hosts flush with gazillions from gouging us on oil.

But sadly, this column is being written by you, Maureen Dowd. Did they actually run these images at the same time, that would have been pretty interesting. But I actually bet that when you say “blending” you mean you saw these things on two separate occasions while you sat in your nice hotel room instead of reporting. God, Nicholas Kristof must want to kick your ass.

Does anyone really thing that GWB was being “festooned with bling”? First of all, that is horrendously bad writing. Secondly, the image of GWB walking out of King Abdullah’s palace wearing several big, gold medallions is priceless but probably not true. Also, all presidents get gifts when they travel, there is just so much crap to criticize Bush for why waste our time with this? Also also, “rapper-level” bling? Perhaps instead of the metric system we can switch to Maureen’s bizarre new system of measurement. “Man, I don’t know if I can come to your place tonight, it’s like 790 Ryan Stiles to your apartment.” “Yeah dude, it’s totally like four Ashton Kutchers hot out too.”

W.’s 11th-hour bid to save his legacy from being a shattered Iraq — even as the Iraqi defense minister admitted that American troops would be needed to help with internal security until at least 2012 and border defense until at least 2018 — recalled MTV’s “Cribs.”

WTF?! Seriously… how… where… Journalism is not pop culture mad libs, Maureen. This article recalled that episode of Diff’rent Strokes when Dudley is molested by the guy who was also the Maytag repairman. That’s how you jury rig pop culture in to an article.

At a dinner last night in the king’s tentlike retreat, where the 8-foot flat-screen TV in the middle of the room flashed Arab news, the president and his advisers Elliott Abrams and Josh Bolten went native, lounging in floor-length, fur-lined robes, as if they were Peter O’Toole and Omar Sharif.

Hi, I’m Maureen Dowd, I or my assistant has seen “Lawrence of Arabia”.

In Abu Dhabi, Sheik Khalifa bin Zayed al-Nahyan gave the president — dubbed “the Wolf of the Desert” by a Kuwaiti poet — a gigantic necklace made of gold, diamonds, rubies and emeralds, so gaudy and cumbersome that even the Secret Service agent carrying it seemed nonplussed. Here in Saudi Arabia, the king draped W. with an emerald-and-ruby necklace that could have come from Ali Baba’s cave.

non-plussed or -plused, -plus•sing or -plus•ing, noun
–noun
1. A state of utter perplexity.

Really? The Secret Service agent was just totally confused and bewildered by this necklace? Perhaps he slowly laid the necklace of the ground, took out his ear piece, walked out the room and lived in the wild for the rest of his natural existence. Seriously, do they even edit your articles? Do you have pictures of the NYT with a trannie prostitute? This is either really good blackmail or a really bad joke.

Time’s Massimo Calabresi described the Kuwaiti emir’s residence where W. dined Friday as “crass class”: “Loud paintings of harems and the ruling Sabah clan hang near Louis XVI enameled clocks and candlesticks in the long hallways.”
In Abu Dhabi, the president made a less-than-rousing speech about democracy while staying in the less-than-democratic Emirates Palace hotel’s basketball-court-size Ruler’s Suite — an honor reserved for royalty and W. and denied to Elton John, who is coming later this month to play the Palace.

Excellent coverage of the president’s speech. And seriously, what are you pointing out here? Are you angry that the President of the United States gets a room that Elton John couldn’t get? Is this supposed to be shocking to us? Did you just want to mention Elton John?

The president’s grandiose room included a ballroom, in case Mr. Bush wanted to practice the tribal sword dancing he has been rather sheepishly doing with some of his hosts, something between Zorba and Zorro. The $3 billion, seven-star, 84,114-square-foot pink marble hotel — said to be the most expensive ever built — would make Trump blush. It glistens with 64,000 square feet of 22-carat gold leaf, 1,000 chandeliers, 20,000 roses changed every day, 200 fountains, a dome higher than St. Peter’s, an archway larger than the Arc de Triomphe, a beach with white sand shipped in from Algeria and a private heliport. The rooms, scattered with rose petals, range from $1,598 to $12,251.

Look at Trump blush.

Puddle jumping through Arabia, the president saw his share of falcons in little leather hoods — presumably not a Gitmo reference — and Arabian stallions, including one retired stud from Texas — presumably not a W. reference. But there was a distinct dearth of wives and dissidents.

These are your references, how are they presumably not anything? Except for maybe good jokes.

It does not bode well for the president’s ability to push the Israelis and Palestinians that he has done so little to push Musharraf on catching Osama, despite our $10 billion endowment, or the Saudis on women’s rights and human rights, even with the $20 billion arms package.

At a press conference last night, the Saudi foreign minister, Prince Saud al-Faisal, was asked what the president and king had discussed about human rights.
“About what?” the prince repeated flatly.
“Human rights,” Condi prompted.
“Human rights?” the stately prince pondered, before shimmying out of the question.
Though W. has made the issue of the progress of women in the Middle East a central part of “the freedom agenda” — he had a roundtable over the weekend with Kuwaiti women on democracy and development — he doesn’t seem bothered that 17 years after his father protected the Saudis when Saddam invaded Kuwait, Saudi women still can’t drive or publicly display hair or skin and still get beheaded and lashed because of archaic laws. Neither does the female secretary of state of the United States.

Another really excellent topic for a column. Way to get that detailed dialogue on the problem of preaching human rights to countries from whom we are begging cheaper oil. Top notch.

“It’s not allowed for ladies to use the gym,” the Marriott desk clerk told me, an American woman in an American franchise traveling with an American president.

Maybe it’s okay for Arab women, but I am Maureen Dowd. I am American! I am with an American president. I write for the New York Times!

W. was strangely upbeat throughout the trip — “Dates put you in a good mood, right?” he joked to reporters yesterday, specifying that he meant the fruit — even though back home the Republican candidates were running from him and clinging to Reagan.

I am not sure how that’s a joke, but either way after all we’ve been through do you think GWB gives a shit what Mitt Romney thinks about him?

The Saudi big shots I talked to were intrigued that W. is now more in the sway of Condi than Bombs Away Cheney. They admire his intention about making peace, even though they’re skeptical that he has the time or competence to do it; and they’re sure that the Israelis need more of a shove than a nudge.
They are also dubious about his attempts to demonize and isolate Iran.
“We don’t need America to dictate our enemies to us, especially when it’s our neighbor,” said an insider at the Saudi royal court. The Saudis invited the Iranian president, I’m-a-Dinner-Jacket, to their hajj pilgrimage last month.

Ahh, stupid nicknames thy name is Maureen Dowd. Bombs Away Cheney kind of sort of rhymes I guess… I’m-a-Dinner-Jacket?!!! Seriously, did you forget how to spell Ahmadinejad? Aren’t nicknames supposed to be relevant to the person you’re writing about. Like, Maureen Dowd She Ever Get a Job Writing for Kidsday Let Alone the New York Times? Also nicknames? God…

Saudis and Palestinians grumbled that they find it hard to listen to the president’s high-flown paeans to democracy when he only acknowledges his brand of democracy. When Hamas, Hezbollah and the Muslim Brotherhood won elections, W. sought to undermine them. The results of the elections were certainly troubling, but is democratization supposed to be about outcomes?
They also think W.’s plan cancels itself out. The Israelis don’t have to stop settlements if rockets are coming in from Gaza, and Abbas, the Palestinian president, can’t stop rockets from going out of an area he does not control.

Were you too busy crafting that dinner jacket thing to actually get quotes from people?

The president who described himself at Galilee as “a pilgrim” makes peace sound as easy as three faiths sharing, when history has shown that the hardest thing on earth is three faiths sharing.
Asked by ABC’s Terry Moran what he was thinking when he stood on the site where Jesus performed miracles at the Sea of Galilee, W. replied: “I reflected on the story in the New Testament about the calm and the rough seas, because it was on those very seas that the Lord was in the boat with the disciples, and they were worried about the waves and the wind, and the sea calmed. That’s what I reflected on: the calm you can find in putting your faith in a higher power.”
Clearly, the man believes in miracles.

You and he have something in common when it comes to miracles. I am not sure which makes less sense, that you write for the New York Times or he is our president. At least you do marginally less harm.