Thursday, April 24, 2008

This Is a Dreadful Idea (JM)

Dear Bunch of People From Other Countries Who Are Calling Here to Convince Us to Vote For Obama,

I know you really like Barack Obama, he's exotic and liberal, he is just like you! He is basically a European's European. That's fine, you have a right to like people, I like foreigners. I would, for instance, vote for Dame Maggie Smith to run Britain, with the assistance of Lord Alan Rickman (I know he is not a Lord, but he should be). Anyway, let's say I even agreed that you have a right to try and influence our election, which I don't, but it's pretty irrelevant. You can't. I mean seriously, if you're calling a Hillary or swing voter this little script of yours probably won't be all that successful. To prove my point, a play:

Indiana Joe: Ach, who is this? It's four o'clock in the morning!

British Obama Supporter (for sake of convenience, let's just call him Daniel): Well, jolly good day sir, my watcherola says it's nine AM here. Anyhoo, if you can spare a minute I would like to tell you just how Barack Obama can improve the world.

Indiana Joe: Are you kidding me, it's four AM?!

Daniel: Sir, please don't be so Amerocentric, I said it was nine AM, so nine AM it is. You see sir, hope for the international community is so important. Are you aware that America's standing in the world has been declining steadily due to your arrogant foreign policies?

Indiana Joe: Is this Mickey?! Are you drunk? I have to fucking work in the morning. This isn't funny!

Daniel: Golly gee sir, no I am Daniel, and this isn't funny. It's dreadfully important. You see, I feel that Barack Obama would be a good influence on our government and make us a whole lot cheerier with you?

Indiana Joe: Are you serious? Is this really some British person telling me who I should vote for at 4 AM?! Why would I care who you want me to vote for, I work at a factory part time and make 22 thousand dollars a year! I have three kids to support.

Daniel: Well I don't think you understand our perspective here. There is more than just America to consider. Think of it this way, Barack Obama inspires thoughts of Britain's greatest Prime Minister, Lord Palmerston.

Indiana Joe: Lord Palmerston?! Try, Pitt the Elder!

Daniel: Lord Palmerston!!

Indiana Joe: Pitt the Elder!!

Lawyer: Excuse me gentlemen, I represent the estate of Matt Groening, you are quite guilty of copyright infringement.

Daniel: See, yet another reason to support Barack Obama.

Indiana Joe: This is insane, how did that lawyer even get on my phone? Also I am a Hillary supporter.

Daniel: Well one of the positives of Barack Obama is he is not a lying, cheating monster like Hillary Clinton. Also did I mention that Muslims in Holland love him?

Indiana Joe: Muslims love him?

Daniel: Oh yes, in all international polls he is by far the preferred candidate. In Europe, Africa and the Middle East!

Indiana Joe: Oh... I see.

Daniel: Yes, well I do rightfully hope I have helped you make a sensible decision today.

Indiana Joe: I dare say you have old chap.


Note that this play followed the script provided pretty accurately. I think we can all agree that even without my strawman portrayal, this is just a terrible idea for Obama's supporters.

No comments: