Monday, March 24, 2008

Fun With Push Polling (JM)

With some time off from hardcore politics we’ve decided to play a game. We all remember how George W. Bush beat McCain for the nomination. He created an exceedingly clever push poll in which voters were asked, "Would you be more or less likely to vote for John McCain...if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?" This really changed the scope of the campaign, winning George W. Bush the nomination and leading us to eight years of bad luck.

So in that spirit, AOTG would like present our suggestions for push poll campaigns against various political luminaries:

1) Hillary Clinton: “Would it change your likelihood of voting for Hillary Clinton if you knew that while in the White House she was had a reputation for being willing to eat anything for five bucks? (She once made fifty dollars off of Begala for eating several batches of Mike Espy’s moustache hair.)

2) Barack Obama: “Would you be more or less likely to vote for Barack Obama, if you knew he fathered a black child?”

3) Mitt Romney: “If you were made aware of Mitt Romney’s intention to nominate only werewolves to the Supreme Court would this change your opinion of his fitness to run for office?”

4) Chuck Schumer: “Rumors are now swirling that Chuck Schumer has hatched a plot with the Free Masons to trick people into believing Jesus wasn't real, does this change your opinion of him?”

5) Fred Thompson: “If you knew his only goal as President would be to create a dramedy about what life would be like if Biff from Back to the Future were the President of the United States, would this effect your decision to vote for him?”

6) Dick Cheney: “Apparently everything you’ve ever read about him is completely true, does this effect how you feel about him as a leader?”

7) Tom Harkin: “Some think that Tom Harkin is a vampire, given the fact that he is never seen outside during the day, his overuse of sunscreen, and his thick Transylvanian accent. Would this make you less likely to vote for him, more likely to vote for him, or no change?”

8) Nancy Pelosi: “Observers have heard Nancy Pelosi say that she, ‘Just didn’t get the deal with Seinfeld’, does this make it more or less likely to vote for her?”

9) Fred Flintstone: “Would you be more or less likely to vote for Senator Flintstone if you knew that he kept animals enslaved in house and showered in the excretions of a Wooly Mammoth?”

10) Mumm-ra: “If you were to find out that Mumm-ra was a displaced former Egyptian god, hellbent on destroying all of the Thundercats, would you be more or less likely to vote for him?”

(Special thanks to Ted for help on this post)

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