Sunday, March 30, 2008

Yaaaaaagggggggh!!! (JM)

So when you read this title I want you to picture Yosemite Sam. I want you to picture that Bugs Bunny has somehow tricked Sam in to accidentally setting himself on fire. Further to the point, I want you to picture the fire building slowly, while Sam fails to realize that this fire exists. Finally, I want you to picture Sam's sudden realization that he is on fire, followed by the scream of "Yaaaaaagggggggh!!!" as he jumps, ass-first, in to the punch bowl in order to extinguish said flame.

So the feeling of that moment is precisely how every single minute of the movie The Bank Job felt. At this point I feel I must make clear that I did not choose to see this movie willingly. Dennis was in town for this weekend (which is also why there have been no updates in a while) and we had a couple of hours before his train left. This was literally the only thing playing at the time, we had no idea what it was about but the title suggested some sort of crime movie, so we figured it couldn't be so terrible. Anyhoo, as we were riding up the escalator to the theater I noticed the poster for The Bank Job and noticed a picture of Jason Statham, that was my first Yosemite moment. I turned to Dennis and whispered, "The apocalypse is nigh...", he shrugged it off and went onward like David in to the lion's den. Sigh...

Anyway, this was a truly, terrible, vapid, horrible crime movie based loosely on a true story, but seemed to have the same basic plot as Small Time Crooks but with more violence and less class-warfare commentary (but like all good films still had a secret hidden amount of fine class-warfare). The action was totally uninteresting, the twists quite predictable and the acting on par with an average performance of Andrew Koenig (for those not in the know, TV's Boner from Growing Pains).* This was a totally dreadful and execrable movie thats single enjoyable moment was a cameo by Lord Mountbatten. Anyway, in short please, please for the love of God, don't see this, unless I don't like you in which case please see this film, immediately.

*I kid, Richard Stabone is one of the finest characters ever created. He is actually number 42, right in front of Rastignac and directly behind Stone Phillips.

3 comments:

Dennis said...

Oh come now, it was truly an amazing moment when they uncovered the notebook labeled: "Policemen Who Receive Bribes From Me."

Amanda said...

Daniel goes into the lion's den. But the den is still Rue Mcclanahan.

Jonathan said...

I am officially the mayor of dumb town and a pretty bad Jew. Nevertheless, I stand by any Rue McClenahan joke I can make.